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Let me just say it: dating in today’s world feels like a complete mystery to me.
I’ve never really dated—not in the traditional sense. My life has been a series of long-term relationships that flowed naturally into marriage (or something close to it), with very little room for the kind of “dating” people seem to experience now.
My Journey Through Relationships
Here’s the quick rundown:
- One serious relationship in high school before marrying my first husband at 20.
- That marriage lasted until I was 31.
- For the next 10 years, I was on-and-off with the same man, eventually marrying him. That marriage lasted just over a year, and now I’m going through my second divorce.
So yeah, I don’t exactly have a lot of “dating experience,” and honestly, my perspective feels…limited.
From where I stand? WTF is dating today?!
I feel like I don’t have what it takes to date—or even be married—in this modern world.
Reflecting on Love and Marriage
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not anti-relationship. I love men, and I deeply value connection and intimacy. But the reality of relationships as I’ve experienced them has often felt more draining than fulfilling.
I married for love, companionship, and encouragement, but instead found myself feeling unsupported in ways that really mattered to me. Both of my ex-husbands are wonderful fathers and providers, but I often wish I had waited for a relationship that truly felt right.
If you’re unclear about how you want your relationship to feel, you’ll accept anything that gives you a sense of belonging.
And isn’t that where so many of us get stuck? We’re chasing this idea of love, often rooted in societal expectations, without understanding what we truly need to feel safe, supported, and cherished.
The Cycle We’re Caught In
This so-called “American Dream” we’ve all been sold often breeds broken families, stressed-out parents, and generations of children who grow up not knowing how to love or be loved properly.
These children become adults who carry the same struggles into their own relationships, continuing the cycle. And here we are—navigating a dating culture that often feels more like a game than an honest attempt at connection.
Dating Today: A Harsh Reality
When I think of dating, I imagine courting—being smitten, keeping it PG, going out publicly, getting to know one another, and either falling in love or going separate ways.
But my experience of dating has been vastly different:
- The chase for a “piece of ass” is disheartening.
- Staying friends with exes? Not my thing. Once a relationship ends, I see no reason to keep in regular contact (unless you share children, of course).
- The casual, non-committal vibe of modern dating leaves me feeling disconnected and disinterested.
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I can’t help but lose interest when the focus is purely physical. I want something deeper—something meaningful.
Could I Be Better Off Single?
Sometimes, I wonder if some of us are simply better off single. Maybe we’re meant to thrive in non-traditional relationships, free from the stress of commitment. Can’t we just enjoy each other’s company without the pressures of societal labels?
And yet, there’s always that whisper of hope:
What if there’s someone God has specifically for me?
Someone who aligns with my values, supports my peace, and makes me feel truly seen and loved?
A Mixed Relationship with Religion
This brings me to another layer of complexity: religion.
I’m half grateful for it and half resentful. On one hand, it provides structure and guidance for many. On the other, it often imposes judgment and shame for feelings that are inherently human—feelings we were created with.
I sometimes wonder:
What if a group of like-minded people came together to create new ideas about love and relationships—ideas that embrace our humanity without attaching guilt or shame?
Final Thoughts
Dating has been discouraging for me, to say the least. Marriage feels like an uphill battle unless it’s with the right person.
So, I’m saying this now: I’m not cut out for marriage or dating.
Unless… he’s the one God has for me. Because in that case, I’m willing to believe there’s still hope for a love that feels exactly how it’s meant to. 💖
