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WTF is Dating!!!???
I must admit, I’ve never really dated. Or even had much conversation about dating for that matter. Never felt the need. I had one serious relationship before my first husband, part of my Senior year of high school, married at 20, until 31. Dated primarily the same man on and off for the next 10 years, married him- that lasted a bit over a year and I’m currently going through my second divorce, so I feel like I really lack perspective…
But this shit from MY PERSPECTIVE??? Straight up, WTF and I’m pretty sure I don’t have what it takes to date or be married in today’s world.
I feel so sad for the people that really desire to be in a relationship.
What exactly has us all so fucked up when it comes to what it is to date and be married? Or, is it just me?
Which, I’m totally fine with btw, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked away, resolving to being the problem and spending years of my life trying to understand my brain so I can try to “fit in” on this planet.
I seriously don’t see the value in intimate relationships, dating, marriage.
And, let me be clear, I am definitely attracted to males. I enjoy sex, especially great sex with someone you love, but that isn’t enough for me to endure the actions of others.
I’m an overall relatively peaceful person. I will turn the other cheek until I have whiplash, in most cases (habitual peace keeper and tender to everyones needs) until you strike a nerve, like trying to bully me into submission with your size.
Then I make a conscious decision to “loose it” and either walk away, eventually speak my mind, throw a candle at your chest or tackle you, kick you, play slap you, call you a monster and get KTFO!
My first marriage afforded me to travel around the globe and live in beautiful places, in our final years after several years of multiple jobs and insane schedules and sacrifices that got us there. Our last assignment- upon his graduation from OU, we moved to DC, then FT. Worth and lastly, Germany. I was going through Chemo then, so I’d slowed down a bit from working 80+ hours a week, only keeping a friends boy a few times a week and working my photography business, only seeing my husband on the weekends, at best.
I never married with divorce as an option. I grew up in a morally convicted home where you married once and worked through your problems.
I married for love. For the companionship and friendship I’ve never felt. For an encourager, but I’ve found quite the opposite in both marriages. Both are wonderful fathers and providers, but I wish for everyones sake, I would have waited to get into a relationship that felt a certain way, mostly.
If you’re unclear about how you want your relationship to feel, you’ll accept anything as you feel some sort of belonging.
This American dream we’ve all feel for often breads children missing their fathers, stressed out mothers, and years of psycho therapy and or suffering.
And, those children grow up to be adults, having their own children, continuing this cycle of not knowing how to love or be loved properly.
This dating thing has been really discouraging. I’ve often wondered if there are those of us that perhaps are truly, better off single, or at least in non committed/monogamous relationships, without all the stress, can’t we just enjoy each other? SINNER!
Ugh that brings me to a whole other rant. I’m half grateful for religion and half resentful. I think for many, they have to have something like it to “keep them on track” but I also feel like it sort of takes you power away…
What if, a group of like minded people got together and produced literature with specific ideas and sold people on those ideas. Ideas causing them to have a conscience, judging their feelings as bad or good and carrying shame for divulging in the feelings God possessed us with.
When I imagine dating, I imagine courting: being smitten, keeping it PG, going places publicly, getting to know one another, and either falling in love or going our separate ways.
I don’t enjoy staying friends with my ex’s. If I decided to end the relationship, I have no desire to continue speaking regularly, for any reason at all. If it’s an emergency, call a professional and otherwise, I still don’t see any reason to communicate, unless of course you have children together- thankfully mine are grown with children of their own and their dad and I can communicate cordially.
My experience of “dating” is very different from what I imagined. Very.
I realize I am a bit “old fashioned” but seriously, I totally loose interest when your only chasing a piece of ass.
So again, I say, I’m just not cut out for marriage or dating.
Unless he’s the one God has for me…
